What’s My Passion?

What’s My Passion?

Kenny Chesney, country mega-star, recently took a year off from touring and performing on stage. In an interview with “Parade” magazine he tells why: “I felt I had lost my center…I was standing onstage and I felt like I wanted to be somewhere else…it all just felt like a blank page. It was beginning to seem mechanical…music has to be about the heart and soul.”

In other words, he had lost his passion. Now that’s something I can relate to.

The Oxford American Dictionary defines passion as…strong emotion, great enthusiasm for something. At Montrose Christian Writers Conference I heard over and over, “write with passion. Write your passion.”

So what’s my passion? At this season of my life, I’m not sure. When I was a child, security was my passion. I was easily frightened. Even the annual 4th of July fireworks were not fun for me. I didn’t like the loud noise and I covered my head with a pillow to drown out the sound.

In my adolescent years I looked to relationships to find security. After I married and had children, my family became my reason for living. The years passed and our children outgrew the nest, causing me to flounder again, in search of a new identity, a new passion.

I was still shy and uncertain about myself. God, however, was working behind the scene, orchestrating events until I was ready to face the real issue behind my fears—childhood sexual abuse. Through a period of recovery and working closely with my pastor, I began to understand a lot about myself, including why it was so difficult for me to trust and to try new ventures.

My passion became emotional health and healing. I kept a journal that I read to my pastor and also to my support group. I wrote with passion because I was living what I wrote about. Group members related to what I was writing and were encouraged by my words.

One day I wrote a piece entitled, “Who Am I?” By the end of the piece I knew who I was. I was a child of God. Through my relationship with Him I found the freedom from fear I had sought all my life. I became passionate about helping others find this freedom, perhaps through my writing.

I pursued this goal for a few years and tried to find an editor or publisher who agreed with my vision. Eventually that dream wore out, and along with it, my desire to write.

Kenny Chesney took time off from his music to find his passion again. He reconnected with his family and hometown in east Tennessee. During that time he produced a documentary about the impact of high school football, The Boys of Fall, which will air on ESPN this fall. He said, “Football emulates life. You get knocked down–but it’s how you get up and handle it that’s important.”

So I’m getting up again. I don’t know what new passion I’ll discover to write about, but I’ve asked God to renew my vision and desire to write. I’m curious to see how He will answer my prayer.

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6 Responses to What’s My Passion?

  1. Wow–this is good, Marilyn. I believe your journey through child abuse can and will help others going through it. I heard that 1 in 4 women in churches have had an abortion. I wonder how many have been sexually abused as children? I imagine quite a few innocent little minds were hurt and hiding and in need of healing. Praying you will find your passion and you will keep writing until you do.

    You can follow my blog at http://www.ElaineWMiller.blogspot.com

    • mnaseth says:

      Hi Elaine!

      So far you’re my most faithful blog visitor! Thanks for your comments. I wasn’t sure I wanted to publish this one because of mentioning my abuse, but I decided this is part of my block in writing so I thought I’d just get it out of the way. I don’t intend to write about it much anymore.

      I went to your blog and read some of your posts. You’re a good writer and I’m happy to see that since Montrose you’ve gone further into the water!

      Blessings, Marilyn

  2. This was interesting, Marilyn. The German martyr Dietrich Bonhoeffer pondered the same question as he sat in prison waiting for his execution. He wrote about it in his book “Life Together.”
    At times of uncertainty, I have asked myself the same question, and with assurance I can give myself the same answer.

  3. Let me second Elaine’s comments Marilyn. I think you’re an excellent writer, with a very important message to share with the world. Let me encourage you to keep writing and keep trying. I’m eager to keep reading your blog as you go on your journey to either find, or perhaps recover, your passion. (Who of us isn’t also on that same journey!?)

    I’ll leave you with this bit of encouragement from Joe Konrath: “There’s a word for a writer who never gives up… published.” Don’t give up Marilyn. What you have to share is too important.

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